What is it To Be a Solitary Traveler?

The rhythm of my day has become so comfortable here. So familiar. I feel very at home in Nepal...
(Update after the earthquake, this lovely place The Ambassador Garden Home Hotel is still in operation. Located in the heart of Thamel, I highly recommend it!) 

In India I slept with windows closed. In Siliguri my room was next to a beautiful forest and I would meditate with the sunrise hearing the jungle come alive… Craving the doors wide open but kept them closed. Mosquitoes. Malaria.  In Hyderabad I was far above a large city but kept the windows closed. Smog.

And here, even being in the middle of Thamel, I sleep with my windows wide open. I can even see a few stars from my bed. It is a perfect-sleeping 48 degrees at night. Although my room is above the garden courtyard, it is not quiet. Thamel is a busy active place. Last night music and laughter and voices speaking in many languages lulled me to sleep. Just like in Black Rock City, I find the sound of human interaction a sweet lullaby. Then quiet as the city falls asleep followed by the very early morning sounds of people once again stirring. This acts as a gentle alarm for my RPM ritual… Rise-pee-meditate… As I face the window sitting on a little stool and find myself in a natural rhythm of waking for sunrise meditation.

What is it to be a solitary traveler? 

Do I experience a slight yearning for another? Yes, at times. As I begin to wake from the other-world of sleep and that first conscious thought of ‘I am in Nepal’ rises to the surface… I feel the ache of ‘alone in bed’. No warmth to cuddle into, no one to share the awe as I open my eyes into this world. Yet that early morning yearning is very familiar to me since Joe died. And it has been well tempered with a deep gratitude that the yearning is a shadow… A shadow of something that was. A Beloved Shadow.

So I RPM. And embrace the silence. Embrace the still point. Embrace ‘I’ disappearing. hOMe. 

As I get up from meditation and move into my day… It does not take long for the smells rising from the garden kitchen to call me to walk down to breakfast. First greeted by the big smiles of the hotel staff and then the other travelers. This is a small hotel so there are usually only 8 or 10 other people at breakfast. I have yet to meet or hear another person from the US. I love the weaving sounds of multiple languages. 

This morning we all sang Happy Birthday to a UK teenager on holiday with his family. When the parents left his sister taunted him ‘What did you get for your birthday? A trip to Nepal’. Teenagers. Aching to separate. And they will. And then they (we) begin the life-long ache… To merge.

And now I have the expansion of a day going my own direction in front of me. What new paths will these feet travel? What is waiting for me? 

What is it to be a solitary traveler?

When I stand in awe… When after a long walk and a climb of 365 stairs. I am seeing and feeling and hearing and smelling and touching… An ancient sacred place. With long expansive views of the sacred Himalayas. Where the illusion of separation from The Divine… Fades. When I stand with prayer flags gently brushing me as I look through them… At the eyes of Buddha. 

Do I want to share that moment? Yes. So I reach in my pocket for an iPhone. And take all of you with me via the miracle of Facebook. And ask myself… Have I lost or gained something in doing so? I do not know the answer. I do know, often instead of reaching for my little computer in a box… I instead choose a breath. To be. Present.

To surrender.  

So what is it to be a solitary traveler? 

Being a solitary traveler equates silence. I do not talk much. I know I feel more. I observe more. I walk with shadows more. The choice of every footstep… Only rises from within mySelf. And I love following my own unique rhythm. 

So what is it to be a solitary traveler?

For me it is a paradox. Being a solitary traveler… Is a path to merging. A journey to release the illusion of alone. Regardless of the paths my feet touch. A journey hOMe.

Namaste’… So Be It.

An update over 2 years later: February 6, 2016. Sitting by (with) myself on the Kauai ocean front... Surrounded by couples and groups of people. I remain 'a solitary traveler'. In 7 weeks I leave to walk The Camino de Frances, 550 miles solitary. Will there be many other people walking 'The Way' at the same time? Of course. I will have plenty of opportunity to join others and I will occasionally make that choice. Yet, my intent is to spend the majority of my 7 weeks walking, by (with) myself. I am seeking a deep remembering of the rhythm of my own stride. And that can often best be experienced without the distraction of conversation... To 'hear' the voice of what is around me.

Do I still yearn for breath in the night? To wake next to warmth and shared experience? Yes, I don't believe that will ever go away. And that yearning... Is a respectful roommate. It is there, and I live my life... Awake to what is around me... With Gratitude. 

Swayambunath Temple. Kathmandu, Nepal.

Ganesha Shrine tucked into a corner.