Being 'single' on Valentines Day. Most people would say us 'unlucky' folks who are not partnered, just want someone to love us. I disagree, I yearn for someone to give my love to... I yearn to love well and and love deep...
I posted this on Facebook today:
'Ahhhhhhh Valentines Day. The delightful day when that special someone lets you know how much he loves you (Oh wait, there may be a problem here). Sarcastic?! Who me?!?! Please pass the chocolate... '
(With this short video from 'Somethings Gotta Give')
As an 'older' single woman.... I will tell you this feels very true. My husband died almost 12 years ago. I have had some relationships, most recently over a year ago with the 'perfectly imperfect man' who broke my Heart and was the catalyst for my Triple Spiral Shadow Dance. Yet nothing that has sustained into the depth of connection and experience of love that I shared with my husband Joe.
I was dating a lot last summer and fall. I met many very nice men and shared some enjoyable time with them. None that have become more than friendship and someone to share common interests with. I know what I am seeking... I have yet to find him.
Will I ever? I do not know. I am not 'waiting', I do not 'need' a partner. My life is delightful and engaging. That said, I still yearn for connection. For touch, breath in the night, loving sensuality. For a steady witness, to my life... And especially as I opened this with, to be able to give the abundant love I have, from my Heart to the Heart of another. To be with someone who understands and cherishes being loved... And flows it in return.
In some respects I think as strong, secure, self-assured women... We are not suppose to say the above. I am suppose to say, I am perfectly fine without a partner. I actually can say this... And more than one thing can be true at the same time. I still ache a bit when on my walk this morning, I saw couples walking with the sunrise, holding hands.
Sometimes that ache, which contains the grief of loss, can still over flow...
Well this day, on this beach... I kind of went there. I told them we both were widows and looked into their eyes and said... 'Cherish each other. Embrace every moment.' Then I had a good cry...
It may sound odd, but it felt like a profound wish... To stay together for a lifetime... To love each other enough to do so.
Last September the fires of Northern California swept through the hundreds of acres that was Harbin Hot Springs Retreat Center. It was all destroyed, this bench and tree are now ashes. Fortunately, everyone got away safely... And what remains is the love and the memories of this healing sacred place. Love remains.
So what is my intent or message with this post? I don't really know... Perhaps a bit of Valentines Day cynicism, a bit of release, a few tears and it all blended together with a simple intent. Look at this photo!!! This is the turn around point of my daily walk(s) on Kauai. I was alone, laying on my back with my head on 'my' rock... Stretching. Would it have been better to share this magic with someone? Maybe, although I am sharing it with you right now. Did it make the moment less than? Absolutely not. Life is precious... Love and loss go hand in hand. Yearning for connection will ebb and flow. I will continue to lean into that yearning. I will continue my Journey of exploring and integrating the contradictions inherent in being open to it all.
And what is my 'simple intent'?!
Look at this Rainbow...