Yet, last spring, I went through a difficult time. I found myself in a place of low energy and my Heart, the place of my spiritual center, was heavy, confused and felt closed. I knew I was in the discomfort of the underworld, so I bashed around looking for relief and only managed to confuse myself even more. Then I made the choice to Be still… To Be quiet. And what I began to observe were all the places I was clinging tight, attempting to control and where I was attached to a particular outcome.
From the still point of silence I also found the clarity of discernment. I began to choose: Yum or yuck?… Embrace or release? I began to let go. I began to shift my attention.
I spoke my truth where it was necessary and remained silent where speaking contained no value. I allowed my soft belly of vulnerability to be seen by a man friend who met this revelation with love, tenderness and support and to be seen by a man I was dating, who reacted and withdrew. I dearly cherish the former… I disconnected with the latter.
As the letting go made space for the next expression of my dharma, I asked The Divine which direction should I lean? How can I best serve? I know what calls… I simply asked for validation. That validation has appeared through synchronicity… What is synchronicity? Meaningful coincidence. Unrelated occurrences that create a pattern only apparent to the observer.
What is the direction I am leaning? I will continue assisting people with the difficult transitions of life. I will continue to dance with the fine art of presence. What I do not yet know is what will be the form… What is my next creative expression. I have many ideas and I am going to let them germinate a bit longer. I am going to continue to close some doors and at the same time, continue to open my Heart.
I have the intention to tend this blog. What appears here may be random but I see this as a valuable exercise in the creative process. Next I am going to take a closer look at these synchronicities. Recently many of them have centered around the strange gathering in the desert called Burning Man. More about that very soon… For tonight, it is late. Tomorrow is the last day of the retreat. I am laying in my bed at Harmony Hill, next to large windows overlooking the saltwater and now looking out at the stars.
The night sky contains the dark of the unseen moon… A perfect time to plant seeds deep.
We spent the evening in a drumming circle… Sharing the sound and movement of release. I am deliciously tired. Going to close my eyes and slip into sweet/salty dark-moon dreams. YES!