It was a night where three of us, each alone, answered the call of going out into the dark night to be with the stars... To be with the sea. Late that night, two Beloved friends and myself sat on the beach, unaware of one other in the deep darkness... So dark you could not see more than a couple feet.
Something clicked that night... Synchronicity. Magic.
With just a bit of light from her phone to find her way back up the path from the beach, Jennifer saw life emerging from the sand. davidji and I then noticed and joined her and the three of us had the experience of a lifetime. Sea Turtles hatching out of their nest in the sand, although usually they follow the light of the moon to find their way to the sea and there was none. They were scattering all directions, lost in the darkness. We quickly realized our service to them was to be the moonlight. The moonlight of one flashlight and a couple of iPhones. With pure delight flowing from our Souls, we lead them hOMe.
(My video of the turtles, is mostly dark because we had little light but I love the delight of our voices and you see the little ones enter the sea. Click to see.)
(davidji’s video is of them first coming out of the sand. Click to see.)
The last night, I followed davidji walking through candle lit paths, to a fire of release. I released hesitation… I released my fear of loving with Heart Open Wide.
(Video of the fire)
Exactly a moon later… The dark of the moon was on The Winter Solstice. This time I was at another ocean, at my second home of Kauai. That day at the airport I picked up the man who I had made a commitment of Heart, Spirit and life to. While we had only met 6 months earlier, we both felt we had found someone with whom we could love and trust and find hOMe in each others arms. That day before he arrived, I walked along the ocean, feeling excited about exploring even deeper, the potential of a life with this man. I said to him, I felt like that day, was our beginning.
I stayed on Kauai after he left for a couple weeks. I returned to Portland the middle of January, again excited to step into a deeper commitment with him. Two weeks later he walked (ran) away from me. Abruptly and completely.
My deepest fear is abandonment… He gave it to me in spectacular fashion. My Heart was broken… Wide Open… Yet, in the darkness of the underworld of pain and grief… I knew that was not quite true. I felt a wall. I was at a choice point… Make the wall stronger… Or break it open. I reached into my own brokenness… And cracked my chest open even wider.
This is the Journey I have been on… Leaning into the pain of a lifetime, because fairly quickly, it no longer wore the face of the man who walked out. It spiraled through the faces of a lifetime... To the mirror of my own.
Now. Today. I am no longer in the underworld, the interim time. I am in the brightness of The Summer Solstice. Something profoundly deep has shifted inside of me. My life is unfolding in remarkable and unexpected ways. Now, my Heart truly is… Open Wide. I feel different to my core. I knew when I met the man who broke my Heart, that we had a karmic connection. that our coming together was meant to be. It just had a very different path than I imagined.
Back to that beach in Mexico… The Turtles were preparing me by showing me the way to seek hOMe in the darkness. No matter how difficult… Always head to the source. Always seek the vast ocean of Heart & Spirit. And it is quite helpful to have people you love close by…. Shining the light. Walking in front of (and next to) you on the path to the fire of transformation.
Seven months ago, I walked a remarkable Journey... From the paths of Retreat... I made the choice to release my fear of loving Heart Open Wide. Be careful what you ask for… As you will surely get it! So Be It.
A friend posted this on Facebook today... Quite appropriate!