In my prior post I referred to ‘walking Ghost Bridges’.
First, why am I walking The Camino de Santiago, The Way? Last year I reached a place of… I don’t know, it wasn't exactly depression, I know what that feels like… Despair is closer but that is also not quite right. (Although perhaps it is. In beautiful synchronicity, 'Despair' was todays Facebook post from the remarkable poet, David Whyte. See post below.)
I just felt ‘finished’. Like a steady state of ‘been there, done that’. Ho Hum. Disengaged.
Ultimately, the path wanders through all the ‘done me wrong’ faces. And in my experience, all those faces are gone from my life, yet as I discovered, still effecting my life. Why? Because the face at the very center… Is my own. The ultimate goal of Shadow Dancing is to recognize how we perpetuate the wounds ‘done’ to us… By continuing the patterns within ourselves.
The next incredibly valuable component of Shadow Dancing once we recognize those patterns and voices, the next step is to make The Shadows, our allies. This is the treasure found in dancing into our own personal underworld.
So now back to ‘Ghost Bridges’. If ‘Shadow Dancing’ is a journey through the wounds of a lifetime. The wounds ‘done to us’. And ‘Passionate Sadness’ reflects the unpredictable Journey of facing death, loss of all kinds and the difficult life occurrences that can happen at any moment… Then what is a ‘Ghost Bridge’?
Last summer I completed the ‘Integrative Nurse, Life Coaching’ certification program. I was required to offer 60 hours of Integrative Coaching (rooted in Integrative/Holistic Nurse Theory). All my ‘practice’ clients were women over 45 and because I was writing and speaking about ‘Shadow Dancing’, I also had many casual conversations with friends about the concept. I began to recognize some similar patterns.
Then last fall I knew, to a certain degree, my disengagement with my own life was still present. Remarkable opportunities and people were showing up in my life and I just couldn't quite step fully present with it all.
On day three of walking The Camino, I injured my knee. It has been stable and some days much better. I have figured out how to walk with the injury.
Then, 2 day ago, I walked many miles slogging through sticky mud. The sliding and pulling up and twisting was not good for my already injured knee.
The next day, on mostly flat terrain, I only managed 6 miles, with increasing (and this is most concerning) different pain. My knee screamed ‘stop’. I walked in the rain that 6 miles, crying most of The Way.
I cried not from the pain… The tears were from frustration and sadness of how much my Heart, mind, Spirit and the rest of my body wants to continue on to Santiago de Compostela and beyond to Finisterre. And how my knee spoke louder than everything else.
I hobbled up to a sweet hotel. The woman owner, tucked me into a room with hot tea, candies and Vic’s vapor rub. Waved her hand and said, ‘later’ when I tried to pay her for the room. I wouldn't have though of Vic’s but it feels great. I am stretched out in bed and am staying here 3 nights.
If rest helps, that informs me. If it does not, that is different information.
I am next to another Mary Cathedral.
I am being with my own Ghost Bridges. (Including this f*#^ing one!)
Tonight is the full moon. Reflecting on EveryThing.
Again… And yet again… I surrender.
I am going to stay off my knee for 3 days, increase my meditation, write, listen carefully, cry, breathe. Be Grateful... Heart Open Wide…
And make a decision if I can continue on Monday...
Regardless... My Journey continues...
Camino De Frances
My Shadow Dance
Seasons And Cycles
The Flow Of Retreat
The Solitary Journey
Wandering The Earth