(PS... A year later...)
This was the beginning of my Triple Spiral Dance which became a powerful solitary Dance
into the center of My Shadows.
In other words: Be careful for what you ask for:
(Never be afraid to let go of who you are...
for what you may become)
As you will surely get it!
I considered continuing to see him for the parts that were enjoyable, yet my Heart & Spirit knows 'alone' is better than 'alone/with'. So I 'let (it/him) go’ and at the same time, weary of wandering in the 'love supermarket', I left on-line dating. My life is full of love, friends and a passion for life. I am quite comfortable being 'single' yet my Heart still occasionally yearns for the deeper connection of Heart, body & Spirit that I know is possible. I simply no longer wanted to shop for it. I said to friends: 'If he is out there... We will find each other.'
Prior to no longer dating, the 'brilliant man' and I were suppose to go to the Waterfront Blues Festival over the Fourth of July. That week I considered calling him but remembered the conviction of my Heart and did not. The first of four days of the Festival, I went alone and while I ran into friends there, I spent part of the day alone, in a sea of people. Reflecting, as I do when I travel by myself, that 'alone' contains amazing gifts, and 'alone'... Never really is.
Then arrived Saturday night on the dance floor of the 'Front Porch Stage' and ‘The Zydeco Swamp Romp'. Zydeco is some of the best, deep from the core, sexy music there is. I was dancing with no one and yet everyone when I found myself eye to eye with a man next to me and we slowly moved to dance together. One dance led to more than an hour, with little conversation, only playful, lusciously hot dancing.
The last band ended... We exchanged only names and said goodnight. Going home I thought: Hmmmm... It is that kind of delicious connection I miss.
So now... Do I really need to go on with this story?! I saw him the next day at the Festival and we danced again. And talked and talked and talked. He is content in his life and was not ’looking for someone'. It is remarkable what you can find when you are not looking... It is remarkable what you can experience when you 'let go'.
We have spent every available moment together since. Allowing our Hearts to Dance… Open-Wide. He is bright, funny, sexy and passionate about all the expressions of his life. I love watching him with his work and I love watching him interact with his friends. We are delighted and grateful for the finding of each other. And we share our tender vulnerabilities, offering each other a safe witness, because holding tight our wounds, does not allow the space needed for healing.
Where are we headed? I have no idea. I surrender any attachment to outcome. What I know already is that I can trust my Heart with this man. And that, coupled with this powerful message from The Divine: 'Always be willing to release what is not from the Heart... To allow what can enter a Heart-Open-Wide'. A profound shift… A profound healing… Has already occurred.
never be afraid to let go of who you are...
for what you may become
let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
so comes love
~ e. e. cummings ~