A 500 mile walk from St Jean Pied de Port, France in the French Pyrenees, across Northern Spain to Santiago de Compostela, the destination for Pilgrims on all routes of El Camino. Then if you are an ocean person like myself, to walk another 50 miles to The Atlantic Ocean at Finisterre, Spain. This Journey is also known as The Way...
My story of ‘Dancing with The Triple Spiral’ is a personal Journey through ‘the interim time’ and facing, understanding then ultimately dancing with (integrating) my Shadows, my deepest wounds, my deepest fears.
And…. It is a story of a living breathing human being… A ‘perfectly imperfect man’ who I fell in love with. Integrating the Shadow Dance came first… Integrating my experience with the man, came later.
The Winter Solstice 2014 I made a Facebook post sharing my love for him...
It has been almost a year since he ran out of my life. I have been asked many times, ‘Did you ever see him again’?
And what then is the greater pain? To not be loved... Or perhaps is it a much greater pain to not have our love received...
Our deepest wounds often begin in childhood. These places of woundedness create a groove or a place of damage in our psyche and when something similar occurs, the new experience flows easily into the old groove, just like a river through a canyon. Over time, they frame our own personal belief system about life and inform us of what we believe about ourself. As they originate in wounds, these inner beliefs are often distorted and unhealthy. A river flowing takes the path it knows best, continually carving the grooves of the canyon ever deeper.
... I fell in love with a perfectly imperfect human being.
(Part one, click here)
The death of a Beloved life partner or any ‘broken Heart’ is trauma attached to love. While I am speaking to my experience after the death of my husband, many relationships end in trauma not associated with death. One partner ‘walking away’ can also create trauma. This trauma can contribute to post traumatic stress, or what I call Love Traumatic Stress.
Sitting in my favorite rock chair on the Island of Kauai. Mama Pacific has long been my greatest teacher. Sitting with a choice point in my life. Where next does these feet want to walk? What direction? Who do I invite to walk along with me?
For the last 2 years I have tended my mother’s life through her advancing Alzheimer’s. Since she transitioned while I was in India a month ago I have been going through and releasing the ‘things’ of her lifetime. My dad died 20 years ago (tomorrow) so this includes his things that my mom kept. And of course my life as it is woven with theirs. It is a powerful Journey of memory and discovery. Honoring. Witnessing. Integrating.
So what scary things did you do or dress up as on Halloween? I went to a very scary place... Inside myself!
Where am I going with this blog? It is called 'GreyWolff Dancing'. At times those dances are full of joy & love and at times I dance with shadows. Today has been a day of shadows.
After a year of much traveling close & far I have spent most of the last 2 months at home. (Well I did sneak off to Kauai for my birthday and 11/11 in November) Which home? I seem to have several. ‘Home base’ for the last year plus has been in Centralia WA. I never thought I would live here... But life happens. So does Alzheimer's, which my mother has.